theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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