apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Say something about gay babies.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
can u get pink eye on your cock?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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