Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
