i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
