Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
