he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
