I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
