Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
