3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
