I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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