She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i drank out of a bidet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
