My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
