no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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