sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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