and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
