Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
