It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
