i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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