Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
