Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
