Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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