How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
