Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
