My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
