What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
