His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
