got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
