Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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