this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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