i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
