just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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