Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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