oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
