Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
