I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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