This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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