i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
