If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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