So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
