it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
