do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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