So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize