No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
