i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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