We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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