we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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