Don't you send me to vm
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
