if you like me you must not know who I am
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize