i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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