susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
