By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
