...so i touched it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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