he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
