some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
