where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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