We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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