I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
