Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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