my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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