You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
