Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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