I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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