She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
