I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
