He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
