you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
