I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize