i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
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