I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
