I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
