in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
