I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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