we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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