She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
